In this article, I will share my experiences and thoughts on the behaviours of children with ADHD and the role of parents. Children with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) often face preconceived notions and misjudgments. These misconceptions not only make it harder for children to understand and develop themselves but also negatively impact the parent-child relationship. To understand children’s behaviour and respond appropriately, it’s crucial for parents to reflect on and challenge these false beliefs.
As you read the common myths I will share below, reflecting on how many of these thoughts are yours or perhaps inherited from your own parents can help improve the quality of communication with your child and create an environment where they feel safer.
The Child Is Just Seeking Attention
This is one of the most common and harmful prejudices. People often assume that a child with ADHD is acting out solely to seek attention. However, in reality, these behaviours stem from the child’s fundamental need for love, care, and understanding.
When a child exhibits negative behaviours, it’s often a misguided call for help. The child may believe that even negative attention is better than no attention at all. In this cycle, parents should focus not on what the child wants but on what they need.
Solution: By focusing on positive attention—meeting the child’s actual needs—and encouraging positive behaviours, parents can help the child feel more valued.
The Child Deliberately Annoys Adults
“He’s just trying to get under my skin” is a common complaint among parents. However, children with ADHD do not intentionally upset or annoy their parents. Their behaviours often arise from the structural workings of their brain.
Solution: The first step is to stop interpreting the child’s behaviour as malicious. Instead, try to understand the underlying cause. A child who can’t fully articulate their feelings will express themselves differently than an adult. Approaching children’s emotions with curiosity and empathy fosters a healthier parent-child relationship and allows the child to learn how to express themselves rather than acting impulsively.
The Child Is Manipulative and Controlling
Parents frequently describe their children as manipulative or controlling. In reality, such behaviours often stem from the child’s anxiety and fears. Manipulation emerges as a reaction when the child cannot directly express their needs.
Solution: View these behaviours as a defence mechanism. Instead of criticizing, try to understand the underlying need. Creating a supportive environment can help reduce such behaviours.
The Child’s Behavior causes the Parent’s Anger
“My child drives me crazy” is a phrase often heard among parents. However, parental anger usually stems from their own emotional accumulation. While the child may trigger a parent’s stress or anxiety, they are not responsible for it.
Solution: Parents should recognize their emotional reactions and explore their sources. After a negative event with your child, reflect on your emotions and aim to build more mindful communication.
Children with ADHD Are Lazy
Children with ADHD may display behaviours like a lack of motivation or procrastination. However, this is not laziness but a result of challenges with executive functions such as attention and planning. Their brains often struggle to initiate and sustain tasks that are mundane or repetitive but can exhibit incredible focus in highly engaging or rewarding situations.
Solution: Discovering methods to boost the child’s motivation is essential. Breaking tasks into smaller, manageable parts and making them enjoyable can help. Encouraging their strengths and preventing them from feeling like failures can make a significant difference.
ADHD Only Affects Childhood
Some parents believe their child’s ADHD symptoms will disappear with age. However, ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder, meaning its symptoms often persist throughout life. In adulthood, these symptoms may manifest differently—for example, hyperactivity may evolve into internal restlessness.
Solution: Helping your child develop skills to live with ADHD is critical. In the long term, this will enable them to become happier and more productive individuals. Seeking professional support and tailoring educational plans to individual needs can be beneficial.
Children with ADHD Are Always Hyperactive
Hyperactivity is more noticeable in some children with ADHD, but not all are affected in the same way. ADHD can manifest with attention deficits and impulsivity, or a combination of both, without significant hyperactivity. Children with ADHD without hyperactivity are often labelled as “daydreamers” or “spacey.”
Solution: Carefully observe your child’s behaviour and consider seeking a professional evaluation. Understanding their needs is the first step to providing them with the best support.
Conclusion
Correcting these misconceptions about ADHD can help children and their families lead better lives. If needed, consider seeking behavioural therapy or ADHD coaching for both yourself and your child.
As a parent, be patient with yourself and your child throughout this journey, and remain open to learning at every step. Approach this process as an opportunity to recognize your child’s unique talents and help them grow.
